Never Knew I Could Feel That Much
by CassyR5
Summary: "Every choice he made seemed to be for her." Ally reflects back on her relationship with Austin and wonders if she's making the right decision in trying to move on. One-shot.


**Summary: "Every choice he made seemed to be for her." Ally reflects back on her relationship with Austin and wonders if she's making the right decision in trying to move on. One-shot.**

**A/N: So I've had this story on my iPod for some time - although incomplete - so I attempted to finish it, and I guess it turned out alright? Sure. Oh, and the parts concerning Austin & Ally's relationship are slightly AU. Okay.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Austin & Ally or "The Way I Loved You" by Taylor Swift.**

* * *

_he is sensible and so incredible_  
_and all my single friends are jealous _  
_he says everything I need to hear and it's like _  
_I couldn't ask for anything better _

Saturday night. Date night with the boyfriend. The boyfriend she has to constantly remind herself not to realize that it's not Austin.

Because he wanted this, right? He said they should move on and that's exactly what she's trying to do, right?

Well. Trying and failing.

But he's perfect for her. He likes school and reading and doesn't mind cloud watching and hates horror movies and goofing off at inappropriate times or places. Even Trish agreed he was perfect for her, exactly what she needed.

He's perfect for her, and he's exactly what she needs - but she's not sure he's what she wants.

_he opens up my door and I get into his car _  
_and he says you look beautiful tonight _  
_and I feel perfectly fine _

She hears the knock on the front door at 6:30PM, exactly when he said he'd be here to pick her up. Not a minute too early or less.

She gets up and opens the door and is greeted by his kind smile that goes all the way to his blue eyes (_not brown, not Austin_, she refrains from dwelling on), as well as the flowers in his hands that he holds out to her.

She takes them slowly. "Oh, thank you," she says. She points behind her. "I'll just go find a vase to put these in and we can leave." He nods in approval, willing to wait. Once she's back, they walk out to his car, where he proceeds to open the door for her.

"You look beautiful tonight," he says.

She smiles. "Thank you," she replies as he gets in on the driver's side. "You look pretty handsome yourself."

"Thanks," he says, returning her smile. It's almost enough to make her feel happy and content with tonight's situation. Almost.

_but I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain _  
_and it's 2am and I'm cursing your name _  
_you're so in love that you act insane _  
_and that's the way I loved you _

She tries not to remember their first date, the one that went so horribly wrong. It was awkward and strange.

And then there was their second first date, the one that almost went wrong. They decided to try again not long after they got back from tour. The feelings had grown with separation, and after a little time back he asked her out, wanting to try again. She did, too.

This second-first date was fine - perfect, if she will. But it didn't end well. He was mad about something, she could tell, but he wouldn't tell her until they pulled up to her house. They sat quietly in her driveway until she finally spoke up.

"Is something wrong?" she asked. "You've been quiet for a while."

He shook his head, but she could see he wasn't alright. "I'm fine. It's nothing."

"Are you sure? Was it the date?" She put her hand over his, something that would normally be a little unexpected from her, but she was worried. "You know you can tell me."

He sighed, removing his hand from under hers. "It wasn't the date, Ally. In fact, the date was almost perfect."

"Almost?"

"You didn't notice our waiter practically hitting on you the entire time?"

She shook her head. "Why would I? I was too busy worrying about the date itself." She laughed a little, thinking he'd be amused, but nothing.

She placed her hand back over his again. "Come on, Austin. It couldn't have been that bad."

"He wrote his number on the bill!" he said.

She sighed. "I didn't know that."

He didn't say anything for a long time. "I know," he said when he finally did speak. "I'm sorry. I'm completely overreacting, aren't I?"

She shook her head. "Of course not. I know how you can get sometimes."

"You mean jealous?" he said, and they both laughed. The night ended with a kiss, and she was so sure everything would work out.

So why is she sitting in the car that belongs to the waiter and not Austin?

_breakin' down and coming undone _  
_it's a roller coaster kinda rush _  
_and I never knew I could feel that much _  
_and that's the way I loved you _

She remembers the time when they got in their first real fight as a couple. It started out as a small disagreement with the lyrics and somehow it turned into them wondering if they should even write together anymore.

They were standing at opposite ends of the room, and he'd just told her that maybe he should find someone else to write with since she wasn't going to cooperate. This crossed the line and they both knew it. She could feel the tears coming, and so she turned around so he wouldn't notice. Except he did.

He walked up to her and put his hand on her shoulder to turn her around, but she shrugged it off. He tried again, and this time she let him.

"Hey," he said. "I'm sorry. You know I didn't mean that."

She allowed herself to cry into his chest for only a few seconds before pushing him away again. She didn't even give him a chance to explain himself, just ran off home.

He called and texted several times that night, explaining how sorry he was and how much he cared about her. It wasn't until he left a message saying that if she didn't respond he'd show up at her house (it was nearly 2 in the morning and it was pouring outside) that he finally got her attention.

Immediately she looked outside, and just like he'd said so, there he was standing outside her house.

She ran downstairs and threw open the door. She knew it was pouring out, but she found herself not caring at all. The only thing she cared for was the boy who showed up at her house at 2AM in the rain just to apologize for something that they'd probably resolve the next day, anyway.

She grinned, then ran for him. She met him halfway and all she was able to say was his name because he cut her off, quickly pulling her close and kissing her. It was passionate and blissful and perfect and they were getting soaked but she just really couldn't care less.

He pulled back first, probably more aware of the situation they were currently in than she was. "I'm never letting you go like that again," he said, and she smiled so big and knew he cared for her, too.

_he respects my space_  
_and never makes me wait _  
_and he calls exactly when he says he will _

They pull up to the restaurant and the lights from the building help pull her away from her thoughts of Austin. It's a new restaurant, and he was even able to make reservations beforehand, something she's impressed with.

He didn't want to come across as uncaring, but she told him he didn't need to worry. He already showed how much he cared for her in so many ways. He knew to leave her alone when in the middle of writing a new song or reading a good book. He always called when he said he would, and never bugged when he visited her at work. He already knew her so well, and they haven't even known each other that long. It's one of the things about him she appreciated right from the start.

_he's close to my mother _  
_talks business with my father _  
_he's charming and endearing _  
_and I'm comfortable _

She remembers when she first introduced him to her parents. They loved him from the second they met - but she could tell that in their eyes he'd never be Austin.

She felt the same way.

He got along with her father well. Unlike Austin, he doesn't have any clumsy friends that might ask stupid questions or wreck the place (not that Ally thought Dez was extremely stupid or excessively clumsy, but she could tell her dad wasn't a fan). He was polite and kind and said all the right things. They even got talking about the store.

And her mother. He charmed her almost as fast as he did Ally. He's an animal-lover, and even admitted to reading a couple of her books. Ally was sure he was just saying so to impress her, but he wasn't kidding. He could quote it as well as if he had it in his hand right there.

For once she was able to forget about Austin, and thought maybe this was meant to be. It felt right - comfortable, even. But comfort doesn't always last, and as much as Ally likes the comfort and peace, she can't help but miss the thrills and complexity Austin brought into her life.

_but I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain _  
_and it's 2am and I'm cursing your name _  
_you're so in love that you act insane _  
_and that's the way I loved you _  
_breakin' down and coming undone _  
_it's a roller coaster kinda rush _  
_and I never knew I could feel that much _  
_and that's the way I loved you_

The minute she walks into the restaurant, she knows this is a mistake. She didn't recognize it from outside since it was so new in town, but inside she remembers.

Austin had a show outside of Miami that night - the first since the tour - and he wanted to celebrate. Dez and Trish opted out, saying they were busy - but she could tell they just wanted to give them some alone time.

She didn't know the town well, but Austin had explained that they went there before when the tour first started. He thought she'd enjoy it. And she did.

But now, being back at the same restaurant in her hometown with someone else, she's not sure the same enjoyment will take place.

_he can't see the smile I'm faking _  
_and my heart's not breaking _  
_cause I'm not feeling anything at all _

The date goes over well, and she tries her hardest not to remember how Austin treated her, tries to focus on the boy in front of her who cares and doesn't know she's failing to give this her all.

Except when he takes her home, she's faced with an interrogation. Is something wrong? _No_. Did I say something to upset you? _Of course not_. Are you feeling alright? _I'm alright_. What is it, then?

She faces him, sitting next to him in his parked car in her driveway. She's sure her parents know she's here, and she's also sure they're getting the wrong impression. But she stays anyway, because he deserves to know.

"There's no point in lying, is there?" When he just shakes his head, she continues. "It's... God, this is gonna sound so cliché."

"'It's not you, it's me', right?" he says for her.

She looks down. "Yeah."

"And Austin."

That part she was planning on keeping to herself, but she knows she can't hide this from him. She nods. "Yeah. And Austin."

He leans back in his seat. His expression is something she can't quite read, but she's shocked to find that surprise is not present.

"You knew?" she asks.

"I always thought so, Ally. But I went out with you anyway. What does that say about me?"

"That you're a good guy?" she replies. "Look, I really am sorry. I honestly thought I was over him. But I guess it's a little harder to move on than I thought."

He faces her again, and she knows then and there he'll be okay. He shrugs, a small smile growing. "It's alright. I figured you thought that. You don't seem like the kind of girl to mess with someone's emotions intentionally."

"So, we're okay?"

He nods. "Yeah."

She gives him a light kiss on the cheek and walks out of his car alone. Her mother and father are both standing at the door, waiting to see how it went since she was out for so long. She just smiles and goes upstairs. She'll tell them later.

_and you were wild and crazy _  
_just so frustrating intoxicating _  
_complicated, got away by some mistake and now _

The first thing she can't help but think about when she lies down is how she ended up in this mess of relationships in the first place.

She didn't take the break up too hard because, just like the first time, it was a mutual agreement. But apparently the aftermath is getting tough.

The break happened sooner than she would ever have anticipated, after Halloween but before Thanksgiving. It didn't happen because of jealousy - they started moving on from that stage after a month - but the relationship was still a little new, and when relationships - especially their's - are a little new, honesty can become an issue, and that's what happened. Just like the first time, only a little less friendly and awkward and a little more confusing and frustrating.

They were in the practice room working on a song for Ally when Austin finally snapped.

"This isn't working," he said.

"Why, what's wrong with it?" she asked. For the past little while he'd help her write her songs, and for the most part he'd been fine with them. She assumed he just felt that if she liked them, that's all that mattered. But maybe it was something else.

He shuffled through the piles of paper they had scattered on the piano. "All of it?" he said, more like a question than a statement.

She laughed lightly, hoping to ease his mood. "What do you mean, all of it? All of what?"

"The song, Ally, all of the song. It's not working," he said again. She could tell he was trying to be nice about it, but clearly there was something more to be said.

"Okay..." she said. She took a lyric sheet from the pile and started reading it over, looking for any problems he might've found. When she came back with nothing, she held it out to him. "I don't see a problem."

"I know," he said, sounding exasperated. "That's part of the problem."

"Problem? What problem?" she asked, started to get confused.

"_This_ problem," he said, gesturing to the pile of paper. "This song sounds so much like your last one."

"Oh. Well, maybe I should just start over, then," she said, starting to collect the lyric sheets.

"Maybe it's us!" he suddenly shouted, standing up from the bench. She could tell this feeling was burning inside him for some time, what with how tense and tired he was looking. "Ally, I love that you're working so hard on your music, but you need to focus on _you_. I'm sorry but this... this isn't you."

"What are you talking about?"

"This song, and the one before that, and probably even the one before that - they're not _you_. It's not you. They're sappy and they're cute, but you're not like that. Your songs are powerful and uplifting and can make people feel like they can do anything. This just sounds like someone who's completely head over heels in love with Prince Charming. It's tacky and overused."

She looked back down at her lyrics set in front of her, and suddenly it was as if someone had lifted up the blinds that were pulled over her eyes, and she could point over everything he meant. "Oh," she said.

"Yeah."

"Well, what do you suggest I do? Do you know how many songs I've written like this?"

He sat back down on the bench next to her. "I know."

"Okay, so what do you want me to do, Austin? I can't help it if I write what I feel."

He took a deep breath. "Maybe you need a break."

"From my music?"

He shook his head, no longer looking at her. "No. From me. Or us, to be specific."

Realization hit her on what he was suggesting and her eyes widened a little in shock. "Are you... are you breaking up with me?"

He shrugged. "Maybe."

"But...I wanna be with you, Austin."

"I wanna be with you, too," he said. "But...your career is more important right now. And our relationship is complicating everything again."

She looked down.

"I'm putting you before us. Okay?"

She sighed. She really didn't want to do this - really. But he had a point. Being in a relationship was making her brain fuzzy. They were still so new at this in so many ways and she was still trying to her write and instead of colliding it was all clashing. As much as she hated to admit it she didn't see any alternative at the moment.

She finally looked up at him again. "Are you sure you wanna do this?"

He faced her. "If it'll help your music, yes."

She smiled a little, and in the back of her mind took note on how he was doing this for her again, not because he really didn't care about her. Every choice he made seemed to be for her.

She held out her hand. "Friends, then?"

He laughed, but already she could hear something missing. "And partners. Always." And instead of taking her hand he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her in for a hug. She returned it a little reluctantly, but she figured this would all go over well. It would be worth it in the end and she was sure they'd get back together soon enough. Right?

Sometimes she wishes she could go back and tell herself just how wrong she was.

_I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain _  
_it's 2am and I'm cursing your name _  
_I'm so in love that I acted insane _  
_and that's the way I loved you _  
_breakin' down and coming undone _  
_it's a roller coaster kinda rush _  
_and I never knew I could feel that much _  
_and that's the way I loved you_

All that trouble. All that trouble to try and move on just to wind up back where she started. Only this time she's faced with a new obstacle in her way.

She figured Austin would at least attempt to move on just as she did, but she never could've prepared herself enough for what she feels when he walks into Sonic Boom the day after her date to introduce his new friend - a girl friend, to be specific. They're not dating, he tells her, but he thinks something of the sort could happen soon.

And when he asks about how her date last night went, she fakes a smile and lies way easier than it should ever be to lie to him.

"It was great," she says, and he smiles, like he's genuinely happy for her. She's sure he is. It's all they ever wanted for each other, was to be happy.

Now it's her turn to let him be happy. And maybe, she thinks, she'll tell him the truth later. When he deserves to know. But not now. Not when he deserves to be happy.

_and that's the way I loved you_  
_never knew I could feel that much _  
_and that's the way I loved you _

* * *

**So yeah. That's the story. I'm still not 100% confident on how I did the break up, but I didn't really know what else to do. Oh, and I know Ally's boyfriend and Austin's potential girlfriend don't have any names. I did it that way on purpose.**

**Reviews are pretty great. :)**


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